I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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