New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
