she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
