I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
