i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
