just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
