ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
