have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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