Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
