ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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