If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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