Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
