i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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