he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
