nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
