Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
