I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
