Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
