His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
