i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
