I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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