I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
