Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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