so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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