idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
