How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
