There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
