Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
