When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
