so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
