I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
