Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
