He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize