I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
