C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
