The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
