dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
