I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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