Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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