she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
