And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
