3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
