hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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