1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize