I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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