I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
