Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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