May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
