Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
