my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
