1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
