His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
