this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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