We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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