know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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