i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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