would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
