if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
