is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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