Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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