i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
