she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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