ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
