Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
