In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
