it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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