Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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