This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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