I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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