I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
