i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
